


Vacation in Heaven and Hell

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Series: Best Laid Plans Series [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha!Winchesters, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Reader-Insert, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:21:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27000385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: John takes Y/n on their vacation to Montana but no good things can last because the brothers call them in on an Angel/demon battle as soon as their vacay is over.~~~~~~~~~“So, what do we even…” you whispered to John. “Anna’s grace was the plan, right?”“I’m sure we’ll figure something out,” John responded, reaching out to rub your back.“You two lovebirds wanna share with the class?” Ruby called out.“Bite me, dead bitch,” you responded automatically.“I’m just waiting for your clever out. You two are the geniuses, right? The ones with the plans?” Ruby stepped closer to you and glared. “You got any clues on how to get Anna safe from Castiel, Uriel, and Alastair?”The name froze you. It was a feeling of ice down your spine, pooling around your ankles and slowly rising back up toward your brainstem. John took immediate notice of your terror, likely due more to your connection than the way you went stock still. He turned you away from the demon and forced you to look into his eyes.
Relationships: John Winchester/You
Series: Best Laid Plans Series [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1526507
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	Vacation in Heaven and Hell

**Story Warnings** : angst...A/B/O dynamics, canon divergence, **18+! HERE BE SEX!! DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!** angst, mentions of physical violence, mentions of torture, mentions of forced marking, pining, did I mention angst?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a long drive from Tennessee to Montana but John kept your attention through tales of hunts past and singing Beatles and Zeppelin. You were halfway through South Dakota when you looked over at him and things seemed to click. John was Dean but wiser. So many of the things you loved about Dean were things taken from his father. Not all of them, of course, but enough. Enough to make it through life with him.

"John," you started as you reached out to turn down the classic rock station on the radio. "Are you still looking for that witch?"

"Not actively," he answered quickly. "Why?"

You bit your bottom lip and shrugged. "I just...was thinking about…"

"The difference it would make if I ever became an old man again?" he asked with a smirk.

"Yeah. I mean, not that you were unattractive as an older man, but...my alpha has _this_ face."

"Don't worry, sweetheart. You're gonna have to watch your alpha's face grow into that one. I'm not gonna fix it." He reached out and grabbed your hand. "I promise I won't be an old man until you're an old woman."

You smiled down at your joined hands. "I take promises very seriously, John."

"So do I." He looked away from the road to catch your eyes and smiled. "I promise. Now, why don’t you grab a few winks? I'm gonna have you take the wheel in a few hours."

"You’re gonna let me drive the truck?" you asked, practically beaming.

"Yeah. We're on vacation," he said, squeezing your hand. "Live a little."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You gasped as John pulled the truck into the front of a beautiful two-story cabin. "You rented _this_ for us? Holy shit, John."

"Thought you'd like it," he said, with a cocky smile.

"It's like my dad's old hunting cabin, but so much prettier," you said, looking up at it through the windshield.

"Well, if I'd known your daddy had a hunting cabin, I wouldn't have spent so much money on this place," John said, pushing open the door of the truck and walking around to the bed. "Why don't you run up and get into the lockbox by the door? Code is 4375. I'll be up there in a minute."

You jumped down from the cab and ran for the covered porch, a girlish excitement taking you as you hopped the steps and launched yourself at the lockbox next to the door. You put the code in and pulled the keys out of the box, bouncing on the balls of your feet as you put the key in the lock and pushed the door open. Your eyes went wide at the view of the inside. A fireplace, a bunch of candles, a soft-looking couch, a small kitchen with new appliances, and a huge gift basket on the counter. John showed up behind you with your bags and smiled as he looked through the door. "Oh, they left the gift basket! I requested it, but they never got back to me about it! And it looks better than the pictures! Well, what are you waiting for? Go on."

You grinned and rushed inside, almost skipping toward the basket. He chuckled as he dropped the bags and shut the door. The basket had a strange assortment of items; board games, chocolates, popcorn, and beer with a note that said 'Check the fridge'. You giggled as you rushed around the counter to pull open the fridge.

The fully-stocked fridge, with more beer, steaks, chicken, an assortment of vegetables, two bottles of champagne, and a tin of caviar. "John, there's caviar in here!"

"No, really? I asked for the bubbly, but I didn't ask for fish eggs."

You smiled at him. "Technically, it's roe...but it's also technically something I've never tried before."

"Me, either." He walked over to join you at the fridge. "Oh, that's a fine cut of meat, there." He reached around you to grab the package of steaks.

"John, you really set this all up for me?" you asked, reaching in to grab a bottle of Chandon brut.

"You deserve it, 'mega." He pressed a kiss to your temple as he set the steaks back into the fridge. "We got this place for three days and I am gonna pamper the fuck outta you the whole time."

"You’re too good to me."

"No such thing, baby. Now, why don’t you go upstairs and run yourself a bath in that jacuzzi tub? Steaks are for dinner but I think there's some mac and cheese in the cabinet, I'll make lunch." Your eyes lit up at 'jacuzzi' and you ran to the stairs.

You hadn't felt so relaxed in years. Hot water swirling around you, scented candles throwing rose smell into the air, not a care in the world. It allowed your mind to wander...to Sam, to Dean, and finally, to John.

John was flawed, of course. He wasn't perfect, but he was _trying_. He was careful and caring and he wanted you to have good things that even he never got to have. He wanted to share things with you. He probably didn't love you. He probably never would. But he cared. John was the only one who did care. Dean said that John was going to have to do better and he was. He was doing better for you than he'd done for Mary.

John, the alpha who felt your emotions and knew your pain. You still didn't understand _how_ he felt your pain like that, how he always knew what you were feeling, how he felt your panic when the nightmares got too bad. How the hell did he manage to do that?

"Food's on, sweetheart!" John called up the stairs, pulling you out of your head.

"Okay! Be down in a few minutes!" you called back before pulling the plug on the tub and standing. You wrapped a fluffy bathrobe around your body and padded softly down the stairs. John smiled at you as he spooned stovetop mac and cheese into a bowl. "Thank you," you said when he handed it to you.

"You’re welcome. Anything to make you happy."

"I believe you," you said, looking down bashfully.

"I know," he said, picking up his own bowl and walking over to the table with it. "You got all relaxed in the bath. I'm glad."

"Maybe next time you can join me," you suggested, following him to the table. It didn’t escape your attention that he knew you were relaxed, but maybe it was just common sense. It was a hot bath in a jacuzzi. Maybe it wasn't whatever connection-

"You know I'd love that." He smirked as he took a bite of lunch. "You see the hot tub on the balcony?"

"No! What?!"

He seemed delighted by your excitement. "Yeah. We'll check it out in a little while, huh? Personally, I'm more excited for Checkers than the hot tub."

You laughed. "Are there Chess pieces, too? I'm much better at Chess."

"I'ma win either way so if you wanna get your ass handed to you in Chess, that's fine." He winked and you swooned a bit. "Oh, you like it when I wink at you? I'm gonna have to use that more often."

"How do you know-" you started before cutting yourself off. Something in you was terrified to ask about whatever connection made him know your feelings. "That you're going to win? I might be a Chess prodigy."

“I have no doubt that you can kick ass on a game of Chess but you can’t beat me.”

“‘Cause you’re so much smarter than me, huh?” you teased, eating a bite.

“No, I just see the board better than most people.”

“Yeah, okay. We’ll see.”

He beat you three times before you managed a stalemate and you threw your hands up. “That’s the best I’m gonna get from you, isn’t it?”

“I told you,” he said, chuckling.

“Whatever!” you shouted before you started laughing. You walked around the table and sat in his lap. “Let’s play something else.”

John’s hands went to your waist and he smiled at you. “What do you wanna play now, ‘mega?”

“Well, there’s Uno...and Yahtzee...Checkers…” you mused, smirking.

“All fine options,” he said.

“But I don’t think I want to play board games or card games.”

“What _do_ you wanna play, then?”

You hummed thoughtfully and tapped your finger against your chin. “Sex?”

He smiled as he looked into your eyes. “Fucking me won’t make you a better Chess player.” You rolled your eyes and leaned in for a kiss. He groaned into your mouth and put his arm under your knees, picking you up and walking up the stairs to deposit you on the bed. He was immediately over you, kissing you and pulling at the tie of your bathrobe. You grabbed at his shoulder and rolled your hips up to meet his. “Fuck, look at you...all bare and pretty under that bathrobe.”

“Alpha,” you whined as he dug his fingers into your thighs, kissing down your neck to your collarbone. He growled softly and you let out a purring mewl. You reached down to pull at his belt. “Need you.”

He helped you get his belt off and his pants down, kissing you as he slid his cock along your slit. He moved slowly, entering you inch by wonderful inch as he stared into your eyes. “So good,” he whispered against your ear.

John always seemed to know exactly where you needed him, what was working for you at any given moment. He was a damn perfect lover. He was _your_ perfect lover.

You sighed happily as you cuddled into his chest, sweaty and worn, but so satisfied and relaxed in the afterglow.

"I'm researching, ya know? The connection we got...that shit ain't normal, I know you know that as well as I do," he said as he wrapped strong arms around you. "I got some feelers out in the community, too. Not Bobby, of course, 'cause he's still upset about what happened when you were eighteen, but...we'll figure it out."

"Bobby wants me happy, John. Right now, you _are_ my happy." You looked up into his eyes and smiled. "The connection _is_ weird, but...I dunno. I like it. I like that you know what I'm feeling and thinking. It's like an old-fashioned omega romance." A question hit you and you looked away. You didn't want to ruin the mood.

"What is it, Y/n?"

"I just...did you feel it when I was sick? When you were gone?"

John went stiff under you for a moment before he sighed and relaxed. "Yeah. A bit. Not like...not like...when I'm next to you, I can _feel_ it, whatever you're feeling, I feel. When I was away, I just...mostly, I just _knew_ what you were feeling. Until you got really sick and started missing the Underworld, that's when I felt it."

"That’s when you decided to come back?" you whispered.

"I was gonna come back. I was always going to come back but...I had to...I’m sorry, Y/n. I never should have left you behind. I never will again."

You snuggled into his chest and let out a purring sound that made him smile. "You’re more than making up for it, John. Thank you."

"If I'm making up for it already, can I skip the fish eggs?" he asked, smirking.

You laughed. "Of course. I might need to talk _myself_ into it, actually."

"We can always just leave it...but we're drinking the bubbly shit."

"Definitely."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had no nightmares at the cabin. Three nights of peace. Three days of fun and fucking and food. A perfect vacation. A perfect first vacation.

Of course, as soon as you left, as soon as your cell phones regained service, you had a dozen messages and voicemails from Dean and Sam, all with increasing urgency.

You debated which brother to call back before you dialed Dean’s number. “Nice of you to get back to us,” he answered bitterly.

“We didn’t have signal. It was kinda the point, jackass. We figured you could handle shit without Daddy for a few days but obviously not. What do you need?” you snapped.

“We can han--ya know what, sweetheart, hand the phone to Dad. I don’t have time to deal with your bitchy attitude.”

You scoffed indignantly and handed your phone to John. “Your eldest doesn’t wanna talk to the bitch.”

“You don’t have to respect my omega, boy, but you’re going to stop disrespecting her.” You smiled at John defending you and look out the window. “Well, why do the angels care about--she’s…” John pulled over and put the truck in Park. “So you are on your way to Kentucky with a demon and a young woman that used to be an angel?”

Your eyes went wide at his words.

“Union, Kentucky. We’ll meet you there.” John hung up and handed the phone back to you. “Anna Milton, used to be an angel, tore her angelic grace out and fell to Earth. Angels want her dead, demons want her for information. The boys are up against Heaven and Hell with only Ruby as backup. We’re gonna meet them there.”

“Great. Always love running afoul of demons _and_ Angels. Couldn’t leave ‘em alone for a few days without them fucking everything up.”

“Calm down. If you get all assed-up, I’m gonna have to waste time calming you down. After the last few days, I don’t know if I can hack it,” he said, smirking.

You laughed, a bit of tension leaving you. “Oh, don’t sell yourself short, John. You’re not an old man anymore.”

“That’s better. None of that stress.” He pulled the truck back onto the road and reached out to take your hand. “This isn’t a big deal.”

“Liar,” you accused with a smile.

“Not a liar...most of the time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were sitting in the truck, reading a book when the Impala pulled up and parked beside you. Sam and Dean got out, followed by Ruby and a young redheaded woman.

“She’s an alpha,” you whispered before getting out of the truck.

“How’d you get here so fast?” Dean asked.

“Nice to see you too, Dean,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“Anna, this is our dad, John, and his omega, Y/n,” Dean introduced.

“The junction. The Angels have talked about you,” she said, reaching out to take your hand.

“You’re the second one to call me that. Castiel called me that, too,” you said, your tone questioning. She shook your hand but didn’t answer, leaving you confused as you followed her toward the tree.

When the tree turned out to be graceless, the six of you took refuge in a nearby barn.

“So, what do we even…” you whispered to John. “Anna’s grace was _the_ plan, right?”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out,” John responded, reaching out to rub your back.

“You two lovebirds wanna share with the class?” Ruby called out.

“Bite me, dead bitch,” you responded automatically.

“I’m just waiting for your clever out. You two are the geniuses, right? The ones with the plans?” Ruby stepped closer to you and glared. “You got any clues on how to get Anna safe from Castiel, Uriel, and Alastair?”

The name froze you. It was a feeling of ice down your spine, pooling around your ankles and slowly rising back up toward your brainstem. John took immediate notice of your terror, likely due more to your connection than the way you went stock still. He turned you away from the demon and forced you to look into his eyes.

“Hey, what is it? What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

You tried to answer, tried to speak any words, but none came.

“What’s her problem?” Dean asked, walking up. He sounded gruff but there was an undercurrent of concern to his tone.

“Ruby said something and she just went-”

“She said ‘Any clues on how to get Anna safe from the Angels and demons?’,” Sam filled in.

“No, she said ‘Castiel, Uriel, and Alastair,” John corrected. You sucked in a breath at the demon’s name and a flash of recognition went through Dean’s eyes.

“I...I got ‘er, Dad,” he said soft, before stepping up and grabbing your shoulders. He walked you over to the corner and pushed you to sit on a hay bale. “I think they forget sometimes, that you were down there first.”

“They don’t know...they...they never...Dean, we…” You shook your head, trying to clear your mind of the terror. “We can’t let Alastair get her, but…”

“We won’t, Y/n.”

“We should give her to Castiel.”

“No. They’ll kill her.” Dean shook his head.

“Better her than us. You don’t--or maybe you _do_...Alastair will destroy us.”

“We’re not gonna let that happen, Y/n, but…” Dean looked frustrated as he ran his hand through his hair. “We can’t give her up to the Angels to die for the crime of being human!”

“Why should _we_ die for her?”

“We’re not going to die, Y/n.”

“Yeah?” you squeaked. “How do _you_ know? You and me, we’ve been down there before. We’ve dealt with that monster. Is _she_ worth-”

“Yes. She is. Of course she is.”

You shook her head. “You…” You swallowed and licked your lips. “I _hope_ you’re right.”

“Yeah, me too.” He licked his bottom lip between his teeth and chewed lightly on it. “Aren’t you glad you got a vacation in?” he tried to joke.

“Just in time for Alastiar to feed me my entrails.” You let out an unamused laugh. “Again.”

“Look, I’m here if you need me, Y/n.”

“Since when?” you whispered and he looked a bit hurt before you smiled tightly and shrugged. “No, you’re here because _she_ needs you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be like that.”

“Tell me you’d be risking all of our lives if she wasn’t so hot,” you demanded softly. He looked away. “Yeah. What I thought.” You stood from the hay bale and sniffled. “Do you remember when we were young, how the worst thing that ever happened to us was when our mothers died?”

“Yeah.”

“What a shitty thing to be nostalgic about, right?” you mused before walking out of the barn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You can leave,” Sam offered as Ruby disappeared to go entice Alastair into a trap. “You don’t have to stick around for this.”

“What, you think I got something against dying to save yet another of Dean’s booty calls?” you snapped, before you turned and gave him a tight smile. “It’s fine. I’ve got a drachma in my pocket if things get real bad. Unless you plan to take it again?”

Sam sighed and looked at the ceiling of the barn. “I’m sorry, okay. I just didn’t want you going back to Hell to find Dean. I thought I-”

“Would take my choice away. You really enjoy doing that, don’t you? Now, shut up. I’m not leaving.”

“Why do you do this? Why do you torture yourself over him?” Sam growled.

“Actually, Alastair did that. _Alastair_ tortured me over Dean...and if you think I’m gonna run away so that Dean can face that monster and the Angels with nothing more than you and the demon whore as backup, you don’t know me very well,” you growled back.

Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath, forcing the anger out of his scent. “I know you don’t like Ruby, but don’t call her that. She’s the only reason I survived the summer.”

You scoffed and shook your head as he opened his eyes. “It’s so nice that one of us survived the summer.”

“Oh, come on, Y/n. I didn’t _kill_ you.”

“No. No, that would’ve hurt less,” you snapped. You rolled your eyes and walked away from him. John was with you in a moment, setting his hand in the middle of your back to calm you. “Thank you, John. I’m okay.”

“You will be,” he promised.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fight between the Angels and demons was fairly short, powerhouses distracting themselves with their own fight and completely missing the human plan to get through and get Anna’s grace back from Uriel. The biggest shocker came when Castiel failed to smite Alastair and the demon started to send him on his way back to Heaven. You had to fight your desire to hide your face in John’s chest as Dean rushed to Castiel’s aid, bashing Alastair in the head with a crowbar. Alastair dropped the Angel and stood, glaring at Dean before speaking words that would further fuel your nightmares, “Dean, Dean, Dean... I am so disappointed. You had such promise.”

You had no time to dwell before Anna was shouting to close your eyes...and then she was an Angel again and the fight was over, Angels and demons fleeing. As Dean praised Sam’s forethought and lamented Ruby’s poor timing bringing Alastair in, you stared at the dirt. ‘Promise’. ‘You had such promise’. ‘Dean, I’m so disappointed. You had such promise.’ played in your head.

John grabbed your shoulder and you looked up into his eyes. Multichromatic hazel and a scent of lavender sent calm through your mind. “Let’s get outta here. You look exhausted, ‘mega,” he whispered and you nodded. John looked over your head to his sons. “We’re gonna get out of here. Meet you in Memphis?”

The boys nodded and Ruby just cut her eyes as John grabbed your elbow and guided you out to the truck. “I’m sorry, John.”

“What for?” he asked as he started the truck.

“I feel bad, like my bad feelings are going to make you feel bad...which is gonna make me feel more bad.”

John chuckled softly. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to worry about it. Just relax.”

“I feel like...sometimes, I feel like I’m going crazy. All this...all this bad inside me,” you said, looking away from him.

“You’re not going crazy...and all that bad isn’t you...it’s just been put upon you.”

“Right.” You nodded and leaned your head against the window. “Thank you for being here for me, John.”

“Of course,” he whispered, putting on the Fleetwood Mac CD in the player and letting it fill the truck’s cab.

You fell asleep about two hours into the seven hour trip to Memphis, the vibrations of the engine and the sounds of ‘Dreams’ lulling you to fall into the nightmares awaiting you.

_Sam was sitting on the hood of the Impala, Dean leaning against it, both with a beer in their hand. “I know you heard ‘im,” Dean said._

_“Who?” Sam asked._

_“Alastair. What he said...about how I had promise.” Dean licked his lips and swallowed thickly._

_“I heard him,” Sam confirmed._

_“You’re not curious?” Dean asked, incredulously._

_“Dean, I’m damn curious. But you’re not talking about Hell and I’m not pushing.”_

_Dean nodded and took a drink of his beer, licking the booze from his lips and looking at his boots. “It wasn’t four months, you know.”_

_“What?”_

_“It was four months up here, but down there...I don’t know. Time’s different. It was more like forty years.”_

_“Oh, my God,” Sam gasped out._

_“They, uh...They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you…” Dean bit into his bottom lip and shook his head. “Until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly...I would be whole again...like magic...just so they could start in all over. And Alastair...at the end of every day...every one...he would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack...if I put souls on...if I started the torturing. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines.” Dean looked proud of himself for a split second and Sam just looked broken for his brother._

_“For thirty years, I told him.” Sam looked over, doing a quick math that told him what Dean was going to say before he even opened his mouth to continue. “But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls.” A tear rolled down Dean's cheek. “The--the things that I did to them.”_

You gasped as you woke up. “Pull over!” you demanded, slapping your hand over your mouth to hold in the bile rising in your throat. The tires rolled across the rumble strips on the shoulder of the highway as John pulled over to the side of the road. You threw the door open and climbed down from the truck, falling to your knees and ejecting stomach acid across the asphalt. John was beside you a minute later, running his hand down your spine. “I...I need your phone. Mine’s in the truck, I need-” you moaned as John pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to you. You licked your lips and dialed Dean. “First rest area after exit 133. ASAP.”

“What happened? What’s wrong?” John asked as you handed him his phone back.

“I’m hoping it was just a bad dream, but I have to look him in the face when I ask, John.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and John were sitting on a picnic table when the Impala pulled into the rest area. Dean shoved his fists into his jacket pockets as he got out and walked over to the table. “What’s with the SOS? You don’t look like you’re on fire,” he said, sarcastically.

You jumped down and grabbed the arm of his jacket, pulling him away from your alphas. “You know what was the worst part of seeing Alastair? It wasn’t the memories of the torture. I mean, that was _bad_ , ‘cause it’s torture, but I’ve been having those fucking nightmares since I started dreaming again so I’m kinda used to that, but it’s the other memories of Hell. The mind-fuckery, the games, ya know?” you ranted as you guided him away toward the restrooms. He shook his head at you, confusion on his face and in his scent as you stopped and turned to look up at him. “He always asked. For a hundred years, he asked, ‘Wouldn’t you rather be the one doing the torturing?’ For a hundred years, he ripped me apart and offered every day to let me go if I would just do to other souls what he’d been doing to me.”

Shame filled his scent as he closed his eyes. Rage and nausea filled you at his reaction. “Oh, my God. It wasn’t a dream,” you whispered to yourself. “You gave in. He broke you.”

“He would’ve broke you too if Hades hadn’t saved you,” Dean growled out, avoiding your gaze.

“I was in Hell for a _year_ ,” you screeched, pushing his chest with both hands. He barely moved against the assault. “I was down there three times as long as you before Hades _saved_ me by taking me to another fuckin’ Hell! I never broke. I never broke because I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hurt...I couldn’t-” You turned away from him as tears overwhelmed your eyes, disgust and anger forcing you to hyperventilate. You could feel John move to comfort you so you put a hand up to tell him to stay away. “You knew. You knew I...what I went through and you...you weren’t gonna tell me.”

“Why would I tell you what-”

“You wouldn’t! You wouldn’t, Dean! You keep your failures to yourself but you berate me for keeping Sam’s failures from you!” you shrieked. You turned back to him and he averted his gaze immediately. “God, I have had to be so fucking strong! I had to be so strong for you and for them and for Bobby and I broke with you gone and my life has been destroyed and you-you wouldn’t even tell me!” You scrubbed your hand down your face and hoped it wasn’t the teary, puffed-up mess you assumed it was.

“And you still haven’t apologized! For any of this! You haven’t said ‘sorry’ for how you’ve treated me, or the words you said before you knew why John marked me, you don’t care. You don’t want us to be okay! You want me to hate you because you think you deserve to be hated for what you did in Hell and I _want_ to hate you right now.” You sniffled and wiped at your eyes. “I want to hate you so bad and it kills me that I _can’t_! I can’t hate you.”

You took a gasping breath to fully fill your lungs and stepped back away from him. “But I can stay away from you. That’s as close as I can give you to what you want.”

“You’re just gonna leave?” Dean asked quietly.

“You’ve got my number,” you croaked out as you started walking away. “Maybe I’ll answer if it’s the end of the world.” You sniffled and shook your head. “And maybe I’ll let it burn,” you whispered, heading for John’s truck.


End file.
